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Is there actually anything good out at the moment to watch? (Part 4A)

Section Two: The Worst Things out at the Moment (Continued) (Even more!)


Hop. Adorable bunny who learns he will become the Easter Bunny. Okay. Adorable bunny that poops jelly beans. Oookay. Adorable bunny voiced by Russell Brand. No.

Monsters. Unbearably boring indie alien film that I wished I had never sat through. It was reviewed well, but for primary entertainment purposes, do not watch this film unless you are being forced to.

Take Me Out Tonight. Useless Rom-Com with Anna Faris and Topher Grace. Not even worth buying more than four copies of the film, I think Blockbuster had the right idea. Almost fell asleep and realised I’d rather watch Russell Brand as a bunny.

Tamara Drewe. British comedy about a girl who shakes up a small English town with her sassy ways. If you want something British and funny, please watch Keeping Mum. It’s great, but I can understand if male viewers wish to see Gemma Arterton in Levi hotpants.

Saw 3D. The ever-more silly Saw franchise finally comes to a close, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they are lying to us all. Apparently seven films later they finally managed to get Cary Ewes back on board to play Dr. Gordon from the first film. I realised that they had run out of ways to torture people and then wondered how this was possible. Exploitation at its highest level ladies and gentlemen.

How Do You Know. Yet another useless Rom-com that doesn’t deserve to be seen unless major impending boredom looms. Even the marvellous Paul Rudd cannot save this travesty.

Sanctum. Another ‘James Cameron presents’ film, a group of divers become trapped when a storm closes off their only route of escape to the surface. To get out they must continue onward through unexplored caves and downward into unknown depths. A good solid thriller, I quite enjoyed this for what it was -  claustrophobia central. My friend describes it as ‘The Descent with no weird monsters’, and this is precisely right. We rely on mediocre actors to take us through a life or death situation and my problem is not caring about the characters enough. I hear it was only a vehicle film for Cameron to pioneer his new underwater capture cameras he was making for Avatar 2. If so, then all the power to the film. Watch Avatar instead though.

So, at last we come to the end of my epic rant about what is good and what is not so good out today. Using this list, I hope you can make a more informed decision about what to watch when you have some time spare from your lives. As ever, I will be here to help you when you need me, as it is my pleasure to write for Rochford Life.

However, this article is only part one of my proverbial Lord of the Rings-esque trilogy.

Next time I’ll have put my research into good use and I’ll tell you of all the great films being made, planned, thought of at this moment. There are some truly excellent films being created, but as we all know – with the good must come the bad. I’ll also be warning you of what to stay away from in the months and years to come.

Happy viewing! I hope I’ve helped and if there is anything more you would like to know about the films I’ve mentioned – please email the editor. At almost seven and a half thousand words, the above article is only a brief description after all...


Thank you for reading! See you next time.



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