GENERAL EXAM ANSWERS given by teenagers (apparently genuine!)
Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
"Hands that judicious can be as soft as your face..."
Who was it that didn't like the return of the prodigal son? "The fatted calf"
What changes happen to your body as you age? "When you get old, so do your bowels and you get inter-continental"
What is artificial respiration commonly known as? "The Kiss of Death"
What is a turbine?
"Something an Arab wears on his head"
What is a common treatment for a badly bleeding nose? "Circumcision"
What are steroids? "Things for keeping the carpet on the stairs"
"Cows produce large amounts of methane, so the problem could be solved by fitting them with catalytic convertors."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops."
"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars,and eight cuspidors."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.