In our ponderings of what things are humorous, we ought to include ‘famous last words.
The obvious ones are:
“It’ll be all, right, I’ve done this many times before.”
“It’s OK, it’s perfectly safe.”
and slightly morbidly,
“I know how to do it; you clip the safety harness like this.”
Of course you can go to a number of websites that will list many a famous word apparently spoken on their death bed, but the truth is that most of them actually aren’t funny, maybe ironic, but mostly not funny. A few illustrations to prove the point –
Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well--let 'em wait.
In response to an attending doctor who attempted to comfort him by saying, "General, I fear the angels are waiting for you."
- Ethan Allen, American Revolutionary general, d. 1789
Am I dying or is this my birthday?
When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside.
- Lady Nancy Astor, d. 1964
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
- John Barrymore, actor, d. May 29, 1942
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
- Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957
I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.
- Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702
"I don’t feel good."
- Luther Burbank (1849-1926), last words
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
- General John Sedgwick (1813-1864), last words
"Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
- Pancho Villa (1877-1923), last words
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Decca Recording Co., rejecting the Beatles
Marie Antoinette, after stepping on her executioners foot.
I'm bored with it all.
I feel a little better
Queen Victoria 1901
To conclude with some of the most obvious ones:
“Poison? Don’t be daft, who would want to poison me?”
“I’m sure the current is off.”