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Penny Glen’s Rants
The Generation Game
Part 5: Sequels & Remakes
Have you ever come across a critic-dreamer? Well you have now! This is Penny highflying and making the rest of us  mortals think we know nothing about films. Next time I sound like a film buff, remind me of these articles!!!!!!!   
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Sequels/remakes I would commission right now – If I had Millions of Pounds

I bet a lot of people would do brilliant things with millions of pounds, but me? I’d spend it all on a house, health insurance, a cash retirement ISA, Dollywood (only kidding) and of course – makin’ movies. But not just any old movies – remaking my dreams and creating actual counterparts to what I have in my head....or even correcting annoying plot holes that I’ve found as I’ve grown up and accessed my ranty side. See if you like these ideas and then perhaps you guys could let me know about some of your own? It’s fun!

 Jurassic Park 2
Yes, I know that Jurassic Park: The Lost World exists as the sequel but I would have wanted to do it a little bit differently...
Namely – the raptors getting into a major city instead of the T-Rex and killing as they pleased. They were correctly focused on the raptor as being the most dangerous animal depicted – but I’d give a slight horror element to it and have them stalking people going about their daily business. I’m not sure how that would work but hey. I’d also have Spielberg directing again to totally pretend Jurassic Park 3 doesn’t exist. The first one was perfect, so of course that is staying right where it a fancy Blu-ray case on my shelf of reverence.
I would probably also play on more of the park side of things rather than the wild, natural arena we saw in the second two films. I love the element of control, the idea of a theme park and perhaps some insanely rich moron tries again on a different park with more dangerous animals? Food for thought.

 Alien 3
I’d totally scrap/forget/scrub from existence Alien 3 and Alien: Resurrection and carry on from where Scott and Cameron left off.
Hicks, Newt, Ripley and Bishop would have become a close knit family on a planet populated with humans but somehow one of the specimens Burke wanted to keep was brought back with them and examined. Perhaps the humans could control the species at first giving New, Hicks and Ripley enough time to be close and settled into society. Then suddenly the Alien would emerge from an accident into the complex. This time the marines are secretly trained by Hicks and Ripley to fight Aliens and know not to expect. I loved it in Aliens where the marines and Ripley find the abandoned complex with no bodies and evidence of a last stand. I want to see what happens to a clueless, innocent colony when the Aliens start breeding and taking them one by one – but you actually see what would have happened. It would be a hybrid of the first and second and it would be awesome if I say so myself....

 The Matrix 2
Let us pretend that The Matrix Reloaded and Revelations didn’t exist. I remember going to the cinema (the last film with my mum, dad and sister) and expecting something – and getting something completely different.
No ancient prophesy, no multiplying Agent Smith – although one of him (reloaded) would have been great, being that he was the best thing in the first one. We actually see Neo, Morpheus and Trinity recruiting for the human army and approaching people like Neo was approached in the beginning. I’d want more in camera kung fu instead of a naff CGI mash-up, and more discoveries of moves or powers. I’d want Trinity to NOT die and I’d have wanted to bring some thriller elements back into the story – labelling the machines as a scary threat as opposed to an early episode of the Transformers. The Matrix was the first of a genre and it needed to give us a sequel that we deserved with slick style, spectacular visuals and a simplified story about revolution – not the ‘architect’ or as I call him.....Colonel Sanders.

 Scott Pilgrim 2
All I can say is that the first one was pure genius! This time I want the entire Edgar Wright team, cast and crew to write, produce and star in another of the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels. They say movie magic can’t be done twice – I give them raspberries and I carry on wishing for my millions of pounds.

 Resident Evil
I am a massive fan of the original series and although I don’t mind the first Resident Evil film, it’s nothing compared to the games. I would have it very much like the game series, with the same characters and premise dominating the plot. Of course it would have to be updated slightly but it would go something like this: S.T.A.R.S. cops (Chris Redfield, Albert Wesker, Jill Valentine, Barry Burton) and their team members are called to a mysterious mansion in the Arklay mountains above Racoon City. Little do they know that the mansion is a front for a series of laboratories owned by the sinister Umbrella Corp. and there has been a viral outbreak, affecting all the local wildlife and the staff trapped inside. Very similar I know, but there is no ‘Alice’ and no secret agent marine people being sent inside to re-set a homicidal computer. The focus will be character driven like the games and they will come into contact with the original horrific experiments that have escaped into the dark recesses of the abandoned laboratories. Scary stuff. Oh and Wesker will betray them. The end.

 Tucker and Dale Vs Evil: Again
The first film is one of our collective favourites in the shop – it’s awesomeness only matched by the dumb-witted performances of the ever brilliant Alan Tudyk and his mate Tyler Labine. The story goes like this – you know in horror movies where hillbillies are the bad guys? They end up sending you in the wrong direction or try to cook you for a hillbilly family dinner. In this film – they hillbilly characters (although still stupid) are the heroes and the nasty college kids are the ones giving them homicidal jip due to a big...big misunderstanding. The sequel idea arose simply because I want more of this premise – but in the back of my head I know that if they did do another one the idea would quickly become stale and I’d know to be careful of what I wish for in future. The Adventures of Tucker and Dale are legendary – in my head of course and I’d probably have them fighting a demonic horde of retirees in the next one. Or something like that.
 Losers 2
I loved the first film, and I’m not sure why until I have a bit of a ponder about it. It’s Chris Evans mainly, but I love the wise cracking group of misfits who were once soldiers. Shame the Rogue dies – but Idris Elba pretty much dies in everything he’s in these days. Together they were a well oiled barrel of laughs in the sarcastic humour kind of a way. I’d love to see more of Evans doing his renditions of classic songs (Youtube ‘Chris Evans, Losers, Don’t Stop Believin’ for the funny) and I’d love to see more impossible Cougar sniper shots that couldn’t possibly be made by a mere mortal. Just a little pleasure of mine, but like the previous film if this were done again I’d fear that the formula would dissolve into a monotonous borefest I’d live to regret.

 The Crow
I love this film as it makes me want to bring out the Goth inside. I miss her and she misses the momentous amounts of makeup we used to wear.
This was the last film starring the beautifully talented Brandon Lee and unfortunately happens to be his best film. His accidental death re-worked the safety elements of how stunts are put together in today’s films. He was shot by another actor during a scene with blank ammunition – which was scheduled to happen for the shot. He then was rushed into hospital and died from the rapidly developing and incurable internal damage inside his abdomen. The almost finishes film he left behind is one of the most iconic nineties films we have and it’s director Alex Proyas has gone on to direct another of my favourite films, Dark City with artwork from Alien’s designer H.R. Giger. The Crow is about a musician who is about to marry the love of his life and is the happiest man on earth. His apartment then gets broken into by four thugs, who assault and kill his fiancée in front of him – and then shoot him in the chest. A year after their funeral a mysterious force (who takes the form of a crow) brings him back from the dead to avenge the deaths of himself and his fiancée – which he does so in a brutal fashion.
 This film as you can gather is pretty important to me and the stupid sequels that followed downright offended me and Lee’s memory. I would want a director with vision, drive and a passion for a beautiful Gothic environment to take the helm – but I know I’d never be happy with the actor they decide to pick, which could present a problem. I would pick him myself if I had to go all over Britain and America to find the perfect candidate. I think after writing this I may go and watch The Crow in a moment. I’ve reminded myself how much I love it!

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