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Parenting Guide Sheets
13. Thoughts on Misbehaviour
13. Thoughts on Misbehaviour
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Page 13C
3. Thinking about Co-operation (Cont.)
The following are useful guidelines:
Keep it Simple
- Often you need only give a simple choice, e.g. “If you want to go out to play you’ll need to clear up your toys first.”
- We want our child to develop so find ways to encourage your child and learn new skills and behaviour in simple ways
Set Needed Limits
If a child wants attention on demand, stay calm and respectful and explain the limits and the consequences of stepping over those limits: “When Mrs….. is talking with me I won’t be able to play with you. You may ask me short questions if you need me but I won’t be able to spend time with you until she’s gone. If you interrupt me while I’m talking to her, I’ll have to take you to your room.”
Jealousy and hitting younger brothers or sisters needs limits and consequences spelling out while at the same time affirming the child: “I love you very much but hitting others is unkind and hurtful and you mustn’t do it. If you do carry on doing it you won’t be able to be in the same room as them and that will mean you will miss out on what we’re doing.”
Exploring Alternatives
Exploring the alternatives involves the following “talking it through”:
The following are useful guidelines:
Keep it Simple
-
Set Needed Limits
If a child wants attention on demand, stay calm and respectful and explain the limits and the consequences of stepping over those limits: “When Mrs….. is talking with me I won’t be able to play with you. You may ask me short questions if you need me but I won’t be able to spend time with you until she’s gone. If you interrupt me while I’m talking to her, I’ll have to take you to your room.”
Jealousy and hitting younger brothers or sisters needs limits and consequences spelling out while at the same time affirming the child: “I love you very much but hitting others is unkind and hurtful and you mustn’t do it. If you do carry on doing it you won’t be able to be in the same room as them and that will mean you will miss out on what we’re doing.”
Exploring Alternatives
Exploring the alternatives involves the following “talking it through”:
1. Understand the Problem
- both you and your child need to understand the problem
- this requires reflective listening and asking questions
2. Brainstorm Ideas to Solve it
- both of you suggest a variety of possible ways
- this is just collecting as wide a variety of ideas as possible
3. Consider the solutions
- now go over all the ideas to consider them all
4. Choose a solution
- pick an idea you can both accept
5. Use the idea
- agree to test the idea, deciding how long to try it
Hold Family Meetings
Elsewhere we have referred to family meetings. They can be a means of communication and a place for letting views be expressed and co-
A regular family gathering can help build co-
- Share good feelings
- Have fun together
- Make decisions about family issues
- Give encouragement
- Talk about problems