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Parenting Guide Sheets
8. Building Self Esteem (1)
8. Building Self Esteem (1)
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Page 8C
What Does Encouragement Teach?
With encouragement, children learn:
With encouragement, children learn:
· to appreciate their own special qualities & feel capable
· to feel worthwhile just the way they are.
Children also learn to encourage themselves & feel more self-confident.
Encouraged children are also more interested in co-operating with others.
To Encourage or to Praise?
To Encourage or to Praise?
· Children need to learn to cooperate, not to be "better" than others.
· Children need to feel accepted all the time, not just when they do something right.
· Children need to learn to think for themselves, not to please somebody else.
We want to teach our children
· to have faith in themselves
· to say "I can" and "I will”
· to cooperate and care about others.
· to become self-motivated.
Too much praise can lead to the opposite results. Does this mean that you should never praise your child? No!
There are times when praise can be helpful.
Your child just scored at football. It is natural to applaud and shout.
If we never hear praise we'll feel something is wrong with us!
Use the language of Encouragement
Encouragement has its own language. Here are words that encourage:
· "Thanks. That was a great help. I really appreciated that"
· "That's difficult, but I know you can work it out."
· "You worked really hard on that!"
· "You're getting better at that every time you do it."
· "You can do it."
A Word of Caution
You can say something encouraging, but then add something discouraging. e.g. "You did really good with that…. but I wish you'd do it more often " or “I'm sure you can do it...so don't let me down."
Statements like these give encouragement -
5. Building Self-
a) How does learning help?
When we learn something we inwardly feel good and have a sense of achievement.
When we learn how to cope with life and succeed with it we feel good.
All this builds self-
Particular areas of learning that help our child are:
· learning about their own abilities
· learning to accept limited abilities (we are ALL limited in some ways)
· learning how to face change
· learning how to cope with challenges and difficulties
· learning to develop skills
· learning to enjoy learning
b) Guidelines for Encouraging Learning
Provide safe opportunities to learn
· when very young, give baby space to crawl, scribble and paint safely
Follow your child's interest
· get books for them, make opportunities to follow up etc.
Watch for chances for learning
· obviously encouraging school
· talking about things seen regularly pointing out things, watching TV together
· going out to a park, shops, a zoo, a Christmas pantomime, a museum, etc.
Ask open-ended questions
· stimulate their thinking, be ready to talk about things with them
Notice and encourage
· acknowledge achievements
Help your child accept and learn from mistakes
· teach that failure is a normal part of life
· teach how to say sorry
· encourage trying again
Make learning fun
· enjoyment makes learning easier
Help your child see another point of view
· encourage thinking differently
In all the above things there is something very obvious: your involvement with your child!
This may sound too obvious, but there are many, many children who do not do things with their parents and who suffer as a result.
c) Learning for Different Ages
As you play with your child and they develop in learning basic skills, they will feel good about themselves:
Between 12 & 15 months
As you play with your child and they develop in learning basic skills, they will feel good about themselves:
Between 12 & 15 months
· most children are able to grasp objects between the thumb and forefinger and can hold, pick up, gather or stack things
Toddlers
· Can push, pull, twist, hammer, perhaps string beads, play with clay, use cups, bowls, spoons, learning to hold writing/drawing instruments
3 ½ - 4 ½
· Buttoning, cutting with scissors
Teaching reading, first by example, then by pointing to words and pictures in books and even perhaps using reading books, all helps build self-
To see the remaining strategies for building self-
Continue to Page 9
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