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Penny Glen’s Rants
The Run-Up to Christmas...
AKA Penny’s awesome film and game guide
AKA Penny’s awesome film and game guide
Pre-Christmas Film Guide - Continued
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CONTINUED
The Way. And so the son directs the father...Emilio Estevez and Martin Sheen work together to produce a film about a man who must retrieve his estranged son’s body from a hiking expedition..that obviously went wrong. Average drama that didn’t quite work for me, but it may be some people’s cuppa tea.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Released late December. Supposed to be brilliant and has the master motion capture artist Andy Serkis (Gollum, Tintin, King Kong) as the ape in modern day times who learns (with heavy medication) to think like a human. Definitely one I’m looking forward to.
The Zookeeper. Released late November. I’ve learned to avoid many things in my life: boiled vegetables, dog mess on the pavement and Kevin James in films. Please heed my advice. Kevin James and talking animals are probably not good...
Horrible Bosses. Released Mid-November. I was very much looking forward to this and luckily got to in my London hotel room recently. My anticipation was wasted unfortunately. It was a fantastic idea: three men are abused by their bosses on a daily basis. Jason Bateman has been working for Kevin Spacey for years and after Spacey’s character tricks him/forces him to drink whiskey on the morning of his big promotion; he then announces to his workforce that the promotion would be his, as well as his plans to merge Bateman’s proposed office into his own to play golf in. Charlie Day is pummelled with unwanted sexual propositions from Jennifer Aniston’s relentless nymphomaniac. Jason Sudeikis loves his boss (Donald Sutherland), but when he has a fatal heart attack, his drug abusing, offensive and disgusting son (a heavily Make-upped Colin Farrell) has to take over – and uses his new found power to fire all of the fat people and have sex parties in his father’s old office. The only solution? Find and pay someone to kill them. All however does not go completely to plan. Obviously.
A good cast performance from the bosses and the employees – but this film suffers from a plot that doesn’t satisfy with its shoddy dialogue and awkward situations that don’t seem to fit in the story. It doesn’t quite come together, like wrongly made puzzle pieces. Shame really. Still worth seeing for a funny night in, as it does have its moments.
A good cast performance from the bosses and the employees – but this film suffers from a plot that doesn’t satisfy with its shoddy dialogue and awkward situations that don’t seem to fit in the story. It doesn’t quite come together, like wrongly made puzzle pieces. Shame really. Still worth seeing for a funny night in, as it does have its moments.
The Ward. An average horror film with some beautiful actresses pretending to be crazy in an institution. The ending is silly and has already been done in this way. If I tell you what film its ripping off, you’ll know exactly what happens...so I won’t. Good scares and gore, so it’s not completely a write-off.
The Woman. Reminiscent of ‘I Spit on your Grave’, there is a crazy woman who really wants to kill you. A small town lawyer brings the last surviving member of a violent clan to attempt to civilize her. ‘Nell’ with Jodie Foster this is not. It’s an alright film if you’re into female violence or any violence in general – but it’s nothing special.
Larry Crowne. Ugh. Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts star in a film about a man finding himself, his life and his love. Been there, done that, although Hanks (as always) is a joy to watch. I’d like to have a drink with him, he seems like a genuinely nice bloke. Very sappy and annoying in places, your average romcom. Watch this if you’ve seen the rest, are bored and want to have something on in the background.
Bad Teacher. This was an excellent idea – a high school teacher gets dumped by her rich meal-ticket fiancée for being a gold-digger and steals money from her school charity drives to pay for a ‘boob job’ to attract a new meal ticket. She smokes, does drugs, comes in drunk/hungover, plays films because she can’t teach, swears and cheats on tests to get the best results. A good character from Cameron Diaz (doing something different for a change, since ‘Being John Malkovich’), but she’s put into a film that ultimately has no purpose or suitable ending. The talent is wasted, the plot goes nowhere and this film has Justin Timberlake in it. ‘Nuff said.
Last Night. Amended edition. Since watching this again I have realised that it is one of the most boring things I have ever seen. Sam Worthington and Keira Knightley are married. They are bored and when Sam has a business trip with a hot co-worker, Keira bumps into her old flame on the street. Both begin a journey into temptation that night and we have to watch to see who will cheat or who won’t. A good premise, but the ending just cuts off after the act and has no satisfactory conclusion. It just felt like a wasted journey. To make it more interesting my sister and I had a bet on who would do it. She won, I haven’t paid up and I can’t be bothered to tell her. It’s a good drama about life, love and temptation – but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone unless they were interested in this type of thing.
Inbetweeners: The Movie. Released Mid-December. Those four scamps are up to their necks in vulgarity, sun, sea and ‘clunge’ once more. What will they get up to next? My sister informs me that it’s very funny and due to the series eventually winning me over, I reckon this could be an excellent watch.
The Hangover Part II. Released early December. The first film was genius and if you haven’t seen it I’d fully recommend it to anyone who wants a laugh. The premise: Four best friends (or the ‘wolf-pack’ as they are dubbed) go into Las Vegas for a night of fun and debauchery to last them a lifetime, and embark on the most awesome stag-do anyone could ever imagine. The problem is, they get drugged, drunk and completely wasted - so in the morning they wake up and can’t remember anything about the night before. With a wrecked hotel room, some chickens on the counter, a tiger in the bathroom and a missing groom to be – three of them retrace their steps to find their best friend Doug....and give him a best friend hug. The second one will most likely be the same, but in Thailand. Knowing western films like I do, I know the second instalment won’t have the genius and a workable formula that worked so well in the first one. To be honest, I still want to see it to know what the Wolfpack got up to – and so will most of Britain. Go for it, it’ll still be a laugh for Christmas.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Amended review. I hated this film. Watch only if you like Cap’n Jack and can put up with terrible acting, cheap C.G.I., inexplicable plot points, recycled jokes and forgettable cast additions. I actually missed Orlando Bloom. This is a miracle in itself.
Retreat. Dubbed as the new 28 days later. No it isn’t. Please avoid this boring and pointless film. A couple go to their holiday sanctuary on an island outside Scotland. With no contact to the outside world, the couple begin to worry and soon have some unwanted company in the form of a crazy, injured and scared Jamie Bell who claims there is a disease outside that is killing people. 28 Days later this is not, even if it does star Cillian Murphy again, and no matter how hard advertisers try to convince me – this is not what it’s made out to be.
Rio. Cute family film about a rare homebody parrot who gets shipped to Brazil to mate with the only known female in the wild. Typical stuff really. For the kids. Not bad voice acting and songs.
Super 8. Released late December. The launch trailer made this look amazing. It showed a train crashing outside area 51 in the desert and then something strong and big trying to break its way out of a reinforced train carriage. Very cool, and something I thought I’d be very into. The second trailer had me re-thinking my anticipation. It honestly looks like an updated version of E.T., produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by J.J. ‘Lost’ Abrams. No thank you sir.
Kung Fu Panda 2. This rates lower than Rio to me because Jack Black can be all kinds of annoying. Just like Hop with Russell Brand. Watch with the kids, or rent/buy this to keep them quiet while you watch something in the other room.
Beginners. Ewan McGregor based comedy/drama about a man who loses his father to terminal cancer and then finds out he had a younger gay lover. Very recently released, I have no idea about this film. Doesn’t look like my thing, and terminal cancer doesn’t sound all that funny. Do you think so?
Cars 2. Released early December. See Kung Fu Panda 2. Very few animated kids film impress me. Shrek was the last one that did.
Rare Exports. Finnish film with a twist on the Christmas story. Very amusing to say the least, and recommended for those of you who are as ‘Bah Humbug’ about Christmas commercialism as I am.
Final Destination 5. Released late December. It always goes like this. One brilliant idea by an amazing screenwriter is turned into a film phenomenon and gets ever sillier with every instalment. *Cough* Saw. The original Final Destination was a masterful horror film, with Death as the ultimate villain. Who can escape from him? Evidently several idiotic teenagers in later instalments. Expect more horrific deaths from freakish accidents and expect them to become more elaborate as the plot and dialogue are ignored. I normally adore horror films, but when things become a franchise, I find them boring, predictable and downright offensive to the senses.